Self Doubt Kills A Friend

Self doubt really kills a friend. For what recently I had post articles at my blog. Many things I had done wrong. For what I had wrote at the recently article is what I had think it wrong. I had been selfish of myself and just think of the good deed of a friend could do. I had not cherish a gang of friends that cares me a lot even they had not show to me but in their heart they always care me. I had sorry to myself for what I had spoke hurting to my best friend untill he was tired of me and just always speechless to me. It was my weakness for all this years because of my secondary school days experiences. I was the most silent and negative person in my class. No one likes to talk to me because of this weakness. Yet that why I like my friend at church. yet I had been affected of my past and hurt my own caring friends at my church. How ashamed tfor what I had done. Sorry to my best friend that had realise me that I had did wrong. I was ashamed to talk to them for what I had done. I hardly can't sorry for myself. God help me with your loving heart, Lord. I had been negative and said cruel words to my own friends. How sinful I am ? I pray that God help me to courage and talk good words to my friends. Sorry is hard to earned. What I need to do is don't think much and think before I speak the words. Sorry to my dearest friends.........I was ashamed of myself........Sorry....Sorry....It may affected my life....

Bored And No Mood To Care......Sigh...

A few days ago, I seem bored at home even I had go to practise driving for my license. It quite panic when I drive my sifu's car. It's an experience to me because I never drive a car before. Bored and no mood had come to my life. It's seems is my work for the Festival Of Praise. I donno what happen to me now. Sigh.....bored and no mood....I was a silent and sensitive person although my friend not realise me well. Sometimes my words can hurt some people because what I had comment about their work. They seems rejected me as a member of the gang of friends. Silent person is make by my most silent pupil in the class. I donno how to talk to people emotionly because I lack of communication skill. That my weakness all the days of my life. Donno what happen to me. I seems wanted to leave Sandakan my hometown to find a new friend and on fire christians to get on. Sigh...because I was seems alone for a long time. My friends can talk their problem to me and I help them but when I was bored and no mood, they seems selfish for a little and not come to my site to talk and advice. They like more care about themselves and their popularity. Sigh....is that I am a silent people...I donno. They go to the fun fair at Mile 4 that the fun fair team came from United Kingdom, they go and had fun but the next day they said to me about the coolest thing at there. Yet they had not think of me and call me to join them. They seems call the others that are more fun and go with them. Sigh.....if they had think and care of me sometimes is a good sign to me. Sigh......have they ever think about me or I think about them....I donno. Sigh......what kind of friend that I had in my church. Materialisme and selfism had draw friendship to broken lose. Sigh......I must to pray to God that about this problem. I seems faithless already because of this problem. Even I am the multimedia leader to make better media in the Festival, my companion who is the movie editor just take more attention to the dance that will present out at Michaelmas than doing the making show at that concert on that night. It's make me that I had lack of faith in him because taking things that is very small in this event although I was easy and lying around at home because I waiting for the STPM news for taking student to which school they study. But I donno how to edit movie and greater media presentation, I just design and edit photo only and type slide for the concert. Seems make lack of faith in him. Sigh......last night my caring friend said to me at msn, she said leave it to God and pray for it and have faith in Him and have faith in my friend who do the movie thing. Sigh......I donno what to do already. I had persuate him and said to him, he just said oh. When I said that the song he edited for the dance got a bit problem at some place, he said to me that he made the song is not good lah. Sigh....how can I said to him. I really donno what to do. It just I pray to God about this problem. God will make the way. Pray and wait just for now............

It's hard to get a friend that care you much than himself but there is a most caring friend in all the universe. This friend is Jesus Christ. He will be faithfull in you all the time and He will not changed. Halleluyah that I got He.

It's Good Friday today....The Day Jesus Christ Died On The Cross

Have you seen the movie called The Passion Of The Christ? I have seen it and it is a sad movie but bring a new revial to us all mankind in the face of the earth. God is holy, man is sinner. Man can't had relationship with God because of their sins. Either God too. For we have sin agaist God, God so loves us untill He send His Son, Jesus Christ to us for a ultimate sacrifice for our sin. It painful to take the cup of suffering and drink it all for Him. All of this things happen because the unfailing and unconditional love of God. He did this because he want us to be with Him. What loving God for us all. Imagine if you are poor, dirty and sinful man to meet a king, what he will do. Surely he will throw you out because you had make his place to be dirty. It like God who is holy and powerful, we are sinner and what we have done is against God. Because He love us so much, Jesus Christ had become the middle man to meet God. Through Jesus only that you can contact with God. That why he died on the cross for our sins. He win over death and He had resurrect to Heaven. I had to dedicade a song from Jonathan Tse for this Good Friday:

It's a dark and distant road

To the cross of Calvary

It hurt to watch him walk

Down that road of suffering

Through the pain of carrying the cross

Shame so unbearing

He was mocked and his clothes were torn off

Did it all because of love

He did it all for me

He gave it all for me

No I can't believe it's true

That he chose to set me free

Took my death for eternal life

I can't comprehend His mind

Those nail that pierced through His hands

It's disturbing my mind

Can't imagine, I can't describe

Of this Saviour sacrifice

Why would you do such a thing?

For a sinful man such as me

Is it worth all the cause?

For the one that has never seen

*This is the song that Jonathan Tse written for his album, Purpose

Jesus bear the cross for all of our sins. It is the time for us to bear the cross for Him because we, christian had accepted Him as our Saviour. Tear comes out when you see the movie that the character of Jesus had been whiped and mocked when He was began to been died on the cross for all our sins. He has forgive us all even we are sinner because He love us. Only Him, we can have a relationship with God. This is the miracle of the Cross.

Yahoo...I Pass My Law Test....Yeah...

Yahoo......I had pass my law test today...wah so happy oh.....last night, I pray that God that He will grant me wisdom so that I will pass my law test...wah so happy oh......and last night, I read all the revision book that contain 500 question for the test because I must answer 42 question out of 50 question so I can pass the law test...wah...so many oh. When I was in the test center, i went into the test room which use computer to do the test. When I was checking my answer, the electricty off and all the computer offline already...so bored to see this happen. I went to the siting site to read the revison book again. After they had open the machine to supply electric, I went back to have the test again. After I had sure the question that I had answer, I click the end of the questiojn button to end the test and I pass and get 90% for my test which mean 45/50 question that correct. Wah so happy to me that I had pass my law test for the first stage of driving license, but must to go to the workshop briefing for futher test. Praise God that He give me wisdom to me to done well. I hope that I can get my driving lisence quickly.....yeah

Temper rise.....Emotion Rise....Angry Comes

Tonight as I always go to church for practise, things has happen when I was in the PA sound system to help them to make a best sound quality for them even I am not very skilled at it. I was been scolded and said that I am so stingy to make the sound so low until they cannot heard it. I already put the volume to the highest but seems that old and stupid system are not functioning. So my best freind who's the regular guy to do this job and make it well. I was so angry and my temper is up while I was cutting paper that contain words to put it into the display words at the system. Yet I was the sound man who is new to this thing been scolded that I was stingy for giving them higher sound in the stupid monitor. While my other frens said something to me, I shouted so loud untill he was been offended but lastly I and he said sorry to each and other. Even I was so angry and sick of the words that came from a guy's mouth, my best friend didn't said anything to me yet leave me speechless. Suddenly I cry to God, why they had to said words that hurt me. I was not an experience sound man yet they scolded me like a stupid guy. It was painfull and angry mix up together at my mind. When I was reminded that I should love my friend unconditionaly, even this thing happen because God love us unconditionaly but we must love my friend even my enemy unconditionaly. It hard to do that but I must do it with God. There are some people that think that been a sound man or LCD projectorist is not cool and unimportant and useless but someday they will realize how important they are. It remind me that if I lead a team, I shall cherish everyone heart and care for them than leave them to leave the team. It's hard to do it so. God has love me even I had sin agaist Him but yet He love me unconditionaly. It is a hard task to do it in my journey to eternal life. I believe that God with me even I was been tested......

An event that teach me a lot.......

Festival of Praise 2006 is coming soon at my church at Sandakan, Sabah, Malaysia. It is a concert that our Praise Group held to bring people to believe in God and to worship Him. Many things happen to me lately when I was leading the multimedia team to do advertising for this concert and the media in the event that will make people to believe in God. Bad comment and good comment come out from people to our this big event. It is very stressful to us for the bad word come to us. I also experience the attack from the devil to make me that I was mportant person in the event. It hard to carry the Cross of Jesus Christ at our life. I also had lost my handphone. Even during this time, my own friends had drifted me away and they speechless before me. It is a hard and tough to go through this feeling that you had been rejected. But God is always with me to go through this path even this things happen in my life. When i receive my sister letter, her advice truly touch me and relief my problem that happen in my life. There is season for everything, a season to laugh, season to cry, season to be disappointed and season to be give thanks. There are a lot of seasons in our live, in everyone’s live. It is a season of disappointed for me right now. But I know that God will always be with me even i was suffering of friendship problem. It hard to go through of it but God will guide me all the way. For the word of God had said:

The Lord is my shepherd; I have everything I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strenght. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not afraid for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You welcome me as a guest anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will persue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

God will always be with me. I must love my friend with unconditional love for God even they had drifted me aways. It's a hard journey to move on.....