Weakness…

Now was 25 day after New Year, I had been for some days in certain mood and seasons. Just now been quarrel with my father for his car. Sick of him because he has no patient to me at all and no faith at me. He just simply thinks of his own car and never let me independent to drive the family car. Why he never thinks that his son will take care of his car although he has weakness on driving? He can simply teach instead of scolding all the time. Last time when my sister get a car license, she just drive for a while and make some minor scratch in the car, my father completely didn’t allow her to drive the car. I was weak recently. I was lazy and playful. Enjoying the freedom in school without proper ways of studies. Sleep mostly. It’s seems I had forgotten my goal and aims in my life. Life is too comfort in this small town of Sandakan. Just a few days, I just know what is my goal in life which are I got to get a scholarship after STPM and tried to get to study at Singapore. Can I make these goals to happen? I am confused. I see my studies had left for so many chapters a year ago. I’m lazy and playful when I was in school last year. Thought the last year camp I did learn something but I didn’t apply it all. I quite bad and I were not as honest as I was. I quite pride and thinking that I can do it all. In reality, I was not. Self-discipline matters. This what I had lack for a year ago. I lack of it till I didn’t bother my homework and future. Teachers had given so much advice that I should study hard and smart because the future is in my hand. I do listen to them and trying to apply in my life but I didn’t apply all. Is that I was too lazy to do my homework and lies too much to my friend that saying I’m busy. Certain time, I was surfing in the Internet for many hours till I forgot my work to do. I lack of my self-control. Is the self-esteem makes me like this? I really don’t know. I will try to make the first step to study. Now I quite have done it. I might need to read many books for my knowledge in my blank brain. Sigh…weakness in me. I need to control myself now. God help me.