Is my cross standing at a site?

Is my cross standing at a way between the road to hell and heaven? Is my cross that i should bear had stand in a place and I walk on my own. It's does happen to me. I was walk on my own. My own ways, pleasure, freedom and desire. I was exchausted, tired and dry up. For I was walk on my own. The cross represent the suffering and pain I will endure in the walk of life to eternity. I had put it aside in the way to Heaven. Walk on my own desire had makes me suffer. I falled to my past and worried of future. I didn't control myself. I been scolded or puting false hope in my friends and family. What had happen to me? This all because I put my cross aside in the road. I cry to the Lord for what I have done. Lord, I lifted my sorrow and failure to you. Lord, forgive me that I had put my cross aside. My cross once lifted high in the way to You. Now Lord, I want to lifted the standing cross and bear it to walk for the days of my life.

The word of God said:
Luke 8:34 said:
"Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

I want to carried back my own cross to walk back. Lord, guide me. After 29 days after the new years, i failed many test of my school studies. Lord, guide me to be hardworking and filled with the Holy Spirit to work. I will not gamble for my own future. God, surely You are there to guide me in my life.

A word of God that my friend, angela who had help me to refers at.It had refresh my soul:

Luke 8:4-15 (New International Version)

While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown."

When he said this, he called out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

His disciples asked him what this parable meant. He said, "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that,

" 'though seeing, they may not see;
though hearing, they may not understand.'

"This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

Weakness…

Now was 25 day after New Year, I had been for some days in certain mood and seasons. Just now been quarrel with my father for his car. Sick of him because he has no patient to me at all and no faith at me. He just simply thinks of his own car and never let me independent to drive the family car. Why he never thinks that his son will take care of his car although he has weakness on driving? He can simply teach instead of scolding all the time. Last time when my sister get a car license, she just drive for a while and make some minor scratch in the car, my father completely didn’t allow her to drive the car. I was weak recently. I was lazy and playful. Enjoying the freedom in school without proper ways of studies. Sleep mostly. It’s seems I had forgotten my goal and aims in my life. Life is too comfort in this small town of Sandakan. Just a few days, I just know what is my goal in life which are I got to get a scholarship after STPM and tried to get to study at Singapore. Can I make these goals to happen? I am confused. I see my studies had left for so many chapters a year ago. I’m lazy and playful when I was in school last year. Thought the last year camp I did learn something but I didn’t apply it all. I quite bad and I were not as honest as I was. I quite pride and thinking that I can do it all. In reality, I was not. Self-discipline matters. This what I had lack for a year ago. I lack of it till I didn’t bother my homework and future. Teachers had given so much advice that I should study hard and smart because the future is in my hand. I do listen to them and trying to apply in my life but I didn’t apply all. Is that I was too lazy to do my homework and lies too much to my friend that saying I’m busy. Certain time, I was surfing in the Internet for many hours till I forgot my work to do. I lack of my self-control. Is the self-esteem makes me like this? I really don’t know. I will try to make the first step to study. Now I quite have done it. I might need to read many books for my knowledge in my blank brain. Sigh…weakness in me. I need to control myself now. God help me.

Histories of 2006, New Resolutions Of 2007

The past of 2006 had gone by yesterday time pass through 12 a clock. The past was a great memory in my life. The year of breakthrough, hurts, experiences, failures, sufferings, God’s miracles, healing, comforting, friendship strengthen, and etc. This blog as began at April 2006. The began of the event called Festival Of Praise 2006 in St Michael church, my own church. The archive said the event that will change my life. It really changes my life styles. 2 years ago, I was a guy that so silent, complain, sensitive, negative and selfish. I was remembering when I always complain about this and that when I was in the some camp, I was always complain about the food, accommodation and etc. How silly I was that day? The year 2006, I was begun to work as a youth volunteer at my church for 3 month. After days after the beginning of the work, I and my best pal and bro, ah chuen go for training for 2 weeks in Telupid. At there I was learn to be grateful, positive and keep my faith in God. There was the time when I learn to talk and communicate well, be brave when talk to a girl. When the event, Festival of Praise, it was an event that help me to stand myself up to walk the road as a Christian. Taking the cross of Jesus Christ is not easy. After it, the dance called Not Ashamed by planet shakers album, Evermore. That began I suddenly dwell into a misunderstanding relationship with a girl. It was a hard and hurtful times to endure the pain of been rejected but many people help me, advice me and share to carry my burden. Thank God for my sis, Jenny, my best pals, Gabriel, Ah Chuen, Joash and etc. It was not easy to forget a person that I love but I can go through it by God and my best friends that helps me. So much things that I had happen in my life, I began to have many girl friends and have a good relationship with God, be humble and grateful, be brave and courage to face the problems in my life, getting know a gal from school who had been my little sis and etc. A friend of mine in KK, Pearle also helps me much through the year and advice me much through the spiritual life with God. She advice me not to dwell in the past and stand strong to go forward in life. Thank you for your advice my friend. I began to lower my type of friend that I will get know. I began to know new friends from the Impact Generation camp 2006. I began to know Joseph who was a kind and caring guy, Joy Ng who easy to forget my face…hehe, Michele Liew, a gal who was friendly, Debra who was my big sis’s friend and friendly too, Soo Man, Amos, Adam, Vanessa, Enfee and George Lai who was a guy I know in sdk. Besides them, I also had know some new friends. In the camp, I had been through many breakthroughs in worship and prayers. I began to courage up to pray to God and heard calling in the camp. I met my sis, Jenny and others from tell the world camp 2005. A month ago from the camp, I had gone to a mission trip at sugut, paitan and nangod in the interior of Sabah. There I was learned that I was grateful and blessed life in my hometown. The places in there got many people still have not know God yet and the love of God. That why the places still need us as Christian to care, loves and spread the love of God to them. Tell them that they still have hope. There I was learned to work together with my Bm friends in the church. There was I learned the fellowship of brother and sister in Christ when working together to serve. Many things I had learned throughout the year 2006. It is time to make new things in my life in this New Year 2007. I want to be more strong in faith in God, serve Him wholeheartedly, restore broken relationships with friends, make new friends, help each and other in my life, less go out to cyber, use money wisely, began to play back my old guitar, play new songs, put my whole effort in my studies, think twice before doing something or talk to someone, read the whole bible this year, and spend more of my time with God. Thank you God for the blessing that you had given to me. God will guide me throughout the days of my life. Thank you, God.