It’s Christmas times now. Everyone is busy with their own things and work and so do I. Today I just realize I whether still belong to this church or not because I felt i not been belong to anyone here. I still dun have a close friend to share my daily sorrows. I felt alone in serving in this church. I even felt I want to quit this program and go back to work in the secular world. I felt what I am here for. Alone, depress, not loved, not being socially attached to and much more thoughts running in my head. I felt like a child seeking for the love. Yet that love is still lost. Am I lost my love with God? It’s the first love is gone and I felt lost. There is a hole that always longing for love and care. I unable to love because I can’t see it. Have a lost my faith? Am I alone all the time? Why I still thinking those past that still haunted me because those rejection which makes me like a wonderer in every church. I am worth to serve. Am I serving man or God? I felt depress because I felt alone. Am I just simply selfish? I felt lost and dry. What am I doing here? Where am I Lord?