Should I stay or leave?

It’s Christmas times now. Everyone is busy with their own things and work and so do I. Today I just realize I whether still belong to this church or not because I felt i not been belong to anyone here. I still dun have a close friend to share my daily sorrows. I felt alone in serving in this church. I even felt I want to quit this program and go back to work in the secular world. I felt what I am here for. Alone, depress, not loved, not being socially attached to and much more thoughts running in my head. I felt like a child seeking for the love. Yet that love is still lost. Am I lost my love with God? It’s the first love is gone and I felt lost. There is a hole that always longing for love and care. I unable to love because I can’t see it. Have a lost my faith? Am I alone all the time? Why I still thinking those past that still haunted me because those rejection which makes me like a wonderer in every church. I am worth to serve. Am I serving man or God? I felt depress because I felt alone. Am I just simply selfish? I felt lost and dry. What am I doing here? Where am I Lord?

It's a corner of the writer

This blog always a corner to pour some story out from my own life that i seldom talk about and said. In this year of 2011, i made a major decision to leave my medium income workplace, my comfort n entertainment place of KL that i been study and work for 3 years to come to KK in the All Saint's Church to join the Ambassador program. It's been struggle and freedom from the word of God after so much of training and practical. Yet, i still always have a struggle of coping loneliness that always lingering to me when i go to any churches since i left my mother church, i can't find my own trusted gangs that we can have fun and trust. I always felt lonely even now with 3 of them because i just dunno who i can share my sorrow and pain to. That hunger for longing always in hunger. I felt more things to be done but this belonging hunger still there. I felt no sense of love in belonging and trust. I now even can't open a trust bridge even to the friends i been know for a long time. I start dunno how to spend more time because i lost longing in my heart. It might be rejections from previous relationship in the past that cause some holes in the heart still leaking in some moments. I felt very tired of being strong in the faces of many. I felt alone now because i dunno who to share those holes that makes me thinks a lot. I'm alone now yet i read Bible more if i still felt this way. I pray that God heal me in this moments of a year of serving him. Who shall i share those sorrow to......

Next Batch of Faith Music

I was graduated from the second sem of vocal class in FCC. It was a big difference of me in my singing method than the previous me in last worship team auditions. I gain stamina. Although that night, I didn't win but i saw something on that night. Success leads through obedience to God, somehow i experience it's true. The path was hard yet hope is in Him. In this 3 month of job i had even though it's very boring at times, i got better starting salary for diploma graduate even i not had an diploma yet. It's a blessing from him. Breakthrough is what my sister said to me. Hmmm.....now i stuck with some website design cause me a big headache in my head. I been thinking for weeks and it still not accepted. That why ppl always whom not artist or designer will not understand what we been through in the progress of thinking of an creative design. The process takes time but with good art director to lead would be nice to me. Even it crush my artwork, i accept it rather a bunch of garbage critics all around. Some even not an encouragement or talking. That's even worst. Keep on on designing and designing this webby:

this website makes my head spin and spin around just to revent a company website design. So much of things not planned well for a website. I understand, they not web designer yet i not experience in it too....wat the hell, makes me even late to gave the job up. Keep working in a bored place or sometimes a 38 place if the 38 ppl here....haha

Does?

Does it a must in it? Insurances, i dun have much faith on these policy. Sometimes, when people ask about kill me (joking), i just said let it be. Why i should said so. I said because life sometimes just here n there. Either you live or die, but i do believe i die or live with hope. Today, it was a bored day and it's near holiday. Tomorrow I will be going to help si Zermi's crew in lighting. I hope i can learn something. Why hopes so dim foe such a cloudy day? I seems tired today with dim mood. Sometimes people do not understand what is the meaning of teach than to scold so directly till they know. F U. You just the same hurt people like us. Self vs Give. Haiz....just sleep today...anyway, i been months no updated this blog....

Don't Be A Problem Maker Next Time And Stay Alive....

Something to remember in future as designer...

Pao Imin from BQConference on Vimeo.

Times had goes by.

Times had goes by so fast now. Things if not planned well, time just sometimes wasted in young life. Things changes. I'm change. My mindset had changes. Changes is good when it come with good outcomes. Well, things not the same when times goes by. Sometimes i felt grateful even when that very things happen in my life. It serve with a purpose that makes me more better person than cling on emotions and problem soon might will happen and cause disruptions. Well sometimes when i think back those times, it is a moments yet it does affect me now but it haunted me my own very motive that when i meet friends. Does i had a bad motive behind? Will i be the one whom do the same mistakes that cause me such troubles in the past? The last one is also a friend whom i just know not so long and i get attracted to her. Well, does motive really cause the effect or things just to early. It does affected my ways to know new friends. I hope i didn't come out with bad motive in these things. I don't want create or make an early relationship due to what happens to me in the past but does these matters. Hmmm. Friendships in early is better because early cause end the relationships due to many reasons n emotions. I still learning by lesson i get by the past. Well, i soon need to start back devotions and re purpose my life. I'm growing up and soon life need to be go on as i'm now become adult. Leaning adult.